May 2015 - Kristin Saatzer

How does friendship, deep friendship exist in the midst of chaotic schedules and seasons of struggle?

I wish I had a tidy answer.

For me, it’s a little messy in the world of friendship. Actually, it’s messy in my world period. I wrestle, wondering: if my friends mean so much to me, then why do I let ridiculous amounts of time pass without contacting or seeing my BFF’s?

I am up to my nose in life: family, work, driving boys around, activities, chores, errands, driving boys around (did I already mention that?) and so it goes.You know the drill. Trying to live by my priorities and so on and so forth.

The life of a woman in 2015 is demanding and exhausting at times. Many are busy with little ones, caring for an aging parent, in seasons of grief and loss, working a difficult job or living with health issues.

Yet shouldn’t friendship be a priority?

In light of my questions, I’ve begun to practice intentionality in this messy, important part of my life by incorporating a few focus points:

~Grace: (my favorite word): Giving myself grace in this area – I carry a big load and I can’t be the perfect friend. I just can’t. Grace – extended to my equally occupied friends. They can’t be perfect friends either. They just can’t.

~Small connections: Take time daily to connect via text, email or Facebook with a buddy. We all love receiving texts from pals telling us they are thinking about or praying for us. These little connections can make someone’s day, yours too.

~Plan Plan Plan: Schedule regular times to get together with friends weeks and months ahead of time if need be. Most likely, if it isn’t planned, it doesn’t happen.

~Make the most of the moments when you are together: Go deep. Laugh together. Sweetly savor one another.

So, how does friendship look in your life today? What steps can you take to cultivate relationships in seasons of struggle and chaos?

Yes, I ‘m doing the friendship thing messily these days, but I’m doing it. And I’ve even made some delightful new friends I hope to get to know better (six months from now, on a Friday at 7).

PC: Beach image: Google Images

“A friend loves at all times.” {Proverbs 17:17, NKJV}

“I know you’re depressed; don’t try to deny it. I’ll be praying for you; call me if you need me. Or call someone.”

Tossing the phone, I crumpled to the floor. Crushed by Kathy’s words.

She saw through me. I thought my got-it-all-together act was working. Not with this friend, not anymore. Could anyone else suspect the heartache inside my soul too?

Why did I feel the need to hide this dreary secret? Pride, I suppose. I had presented a picture of my world as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, church member, and Christian who had it all going on. Thinking if I revealed my true self, others may see me as weak and view my faith shaky.

After all, sad people came to me for help. I was the burden barer not the burden sharer. A church leader for goodness’ sake.

However, this life of mine had become an act. I barely made it through each day. I cried myself to sleep each night. Absurdly denying the truth to myself day after day after day. Depression was taking over as my chemical imbalance gained speed with each passing week.

Kathy’s words pricked at my heart. I sensed Gods nudging: It is time to break down your walls. You need a friend to help you.

Picking myself up off the ground, I inhaled a breath of courage and decided to tell someone about my profound sadness. And there it began.

I chose Kimberly, the right friend for the job. Sitting together at dinner, I experienced immense release in the telling as tears dropped on the table between us.

After this initial step, I took a few more — including seeking medical help.

On this healing road, I learned an unexpected thing: Needing a friend can sometimes mean being a friend.

I found it surprising that Kimberly appeared almost happy to hear my struggles. No, that’s not quite right, she was pleased and touched that I came to her baring my heart. I felt my veneer split, adding depth to our relationship by showing my sweet friend I trusted in her worth, by revealing my true, messed–up self.

My pride survived the telling as God humbled me graciously, yet strengthened me too, all in the course of one citrus-salad dinner.

Holding on to my nerve, I sought more support by reaching out to other real and vulnerable women. Admirable (chocolate loving) gals. Friends possessing deep and authentic faith who desired to be there for me.

I landed in their sweet place of acceptance and unconditional love. In return, they received the real, imperfect, armor-free me.

Sometimes the silly armor begins creeping up around me yet again. As I begin putting on the perfect act, I remember that needing can mean being a friend. So I pick up the phone, reach out to my girls and crush the armor.

And you? Is it time to get real? Are you tired of appearing to have it all going on? Is it time to reach out by bringing your heartache, realness, or weakness to the table?

With God’s help, you too may crush that seemingly perfect but cumbersome armor. I pray the Lord will prick your heart, dear one, let Him lead you to your own trustworthy, admirable, chocolate-loving friend.