A few months ago, I read the fabulous book, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. When I began the book, I read merrily along until I stopped, frozen on a sentence on page 15. Here is what it said:
It is absolutely imperative at the outset that you come to terms with this simple yet life-changing truth: God is for you.
I read these words multiple times. Tears trickled down my cheeks because I recognized that I did not wholeheartedly believe that God was for me. Wow.
I mean, I know he is not against me (or do I?). And I have always believed from my skin to my soul that God loves me. Yet, isn’t this faulty theology? To think that He loves me, but is only kinda for me?
In turn, if I take this idea and transfer it to parenting, it doesn’t work. Here goes – as a mom, can I love my child and not be “for” my child? No way. And God is the greatest parent who gave us a book (or love letter), replete with declarations and acts of affection for His children.
” And blessed is the one who is not offended by me.”
Matthew 11:6 English Standard Version (ESV)
So, I asked God, “If I know You love me, then why don’t I believe you are completely for me?”
Thus began an intense path of spiritual self-discovery. Here, I allowed my “good Christian” view of Kristin to peel open. I scrutinized a faith that was and is my foundation. I experienced deep authenticity in myself and with my Lord.
I realized that in the story of my life, I built up God barriers in my heart. And this is difficult to admit, there was and is resentment towards God – small pockets in my heart where I hold hurt. The two main pockets of struggle are people and prayer.