fear Archives - Kristin Saatzer

The Fight of Fear

September 22, 2019 By Kristin Saatzer 4 Comments

Psalm 112:7 (The Passion Version):

They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

I want that! I want to be a woman who has no fear of bad news. A woman with a steadfast heart, who trusts in the Lord. Many a time, I am a woman who fears bad news, whose heart is fickle, and doesn’t think God is running the show the way I’d like Him to run it.

Not long ago I was pulled over on my way to take a test and received my first ticket since college, eons ago. I was driving in a lane I wasn’t supposed to be in. I thought I was allowed because I have something called a Fastrak pass. But in this Fastrak lane, you must have two or more people and I was solo. A four-hundred dollar oops!

So, as I sat in the test cubicle (next to a man and his tissue collection), anxiety swarmed with thoughts like where will I find four-hundred bucks? How much will my car insurance increase? Can I do traffic school for this kind of thing? I’m too flustered to pass this test. It stinks that my bragging rights have been taken from me.

Fear of bad news took at least a half an hour of precious test time.
It’s not just stinky situations like my ticket that throw me into the fear corner, it’s triggers of past experiences; you see, I’ve faced heaps of bad news. The last three-plus years, unwelcome guests carrying glum messages repeatedly kicked down my door. No matter how many deadbolts I installed, they still arrived.

And unfortunately, my emotional triggers occur almost before I know they are hitting as the cortisol spikes and my breath quickens. These feelings are formidable, and they don’t play.

Do you relate?

My word of the Year is “FIGHT”. I chose this word because it was time. Time to fight and time to grow in courage. I have learned much in 2019. One valuable lesson is now I see how I often dive into my default when fear hits. When the winds of trouble blow in, my instinct is to retreat. It is so much a part of me, I often don’t realize it is happening, until I do. Until I find myself chewing my nails with my stomach churning and the “what ifs” (the fear of bad news) circling my brain.

A “fighter” enveloped in fear.

And fear stops me from fighting because I believe its lies.
But this is precisely when I must, we must, pull out our boxing gloves and drag ourselves into the ring.

Perfect love casts out fear

1 John 4:18

Oddly enough, the way to march into the ring and fight fear is by fixating on God’s perfect love. Our Bible is a love letter, it contains verse after verse of our God proclaiming His love for us, and showing this love by the gift of Jesus, His son.

The fight of fear is the love of God.

My friend, this is tough and requires intention. God’s ways are often not easy, yet they are simple.

When we live loved, it alters what we do with the triggers and memories and our default position. Do we linger in a place of angst, chew our nails and hang out, or do we push ourselves to move into God’s truth and cast out fear? We must practice living loved until THIS becomes the default position. Until fear stops robbing us of peace and joy. Until our hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Oh, and that ticket? I’m going to fight it.

Confidence!

March 22, 2019 By Kristin Saatzer 2 Comments

Confidence!

CON’FIDENCE, noun [Latin]
1. A trusting, or reliance; an assurance of mind or firm belief in the integrity, stability or veracity of another, or in the truth and reality of a fact.

Websters 1828 Dictionary

I’m a decent parallel parker. In fact, I often brag about this to my people, hoping to off-set my other behind-the-wheel mishaps. Like the time I ran over a lawn chair. Or a garbage can. Or when I got lost in my neighborhood. I digress.
I am also a respectable cook. I have grown confident in my cooking skills over time. My family usually finds my meals quite tasty. I believe they appreciate my cooking more than my driving.

Confidence. It feels good to feel confident, doesn’t it?
There are many areas of my life where I feel certain and skilled. There are also many parts of me that are uncertain and unskilled. For example, I am a rotten artist. I can barely draw stick figures and even these stick people need explanations to an outside observer.

Beyond these surface illustrations of our shared human state -we’re all good at some things and not so good in others- lies the state of our hearts.
As I peel back my heart-layers, I shine a spotlight on the real me. She is hard to find, as she shrinks back, wearing a veil of fear and insecurity.

An awareness that fear was beginning to get the upper hand began with a gurgling in my stomach, it could not be ignored. I knew the gray clouds looming and anxiety brewing was not God’s intention for me. So, the match began: me verses anxiety.

I was held back by the fear that stemmed from painful childhood experiences and mistreatment. From adult-sized suffering and stuffing. I learned that my “me-ness” was not enough or not okay. Fear taught me to back off in relationships, to not allow myself to show vulnerability, to limit my opinions, and that to please others is the means to love and acceptance.
Today, this new fighter-me is learning that she is enough. She is okay. That people-pleasing is not God’s plan for me (ouch! That sounds so unchristian).
The gift of pain brought an awareness of my need.
The gift of pain showed me that the time had come to stop shrinking back.

Shrinking back is the opposite of confidence.Continue Reading

What is your Mountain?

February 17, 2019 By Kristin Saatzer 4 Comments

What is your Mountain?

“…For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Jesus speaking in Matthew 17:20 BSB

FIGHT.

I am not a fighter. I am a peacemaker. I want the people I love to live in peace with the people they love. I was born this way to a certain extent, but buried motives lurk behind my craving for harmony. Life has scratched me up and along the way, I became a girl who works laboriously to keep her environment calm and non-combative. And as the mother of four rowdy, competitive boys, it is a never-ending battle and an impossible endeavor.

So, it might seem odd that my word for 2019 is FIGHT. Yet at the end of last year, I knew this word was my word, my need, and my purpose for the New Year. And when January 1 came to call, my fight began in a bigger way than I could have conceived. On that first night of the year, as terror sought to destroy me, I pulled my word out by the power of God Almighty – and the battle began.

FEAR.

As life moved forward, tearing at me and hitting me strong, fear took root and spread its ugly tentacles and became something I could keep covered if I dialed down the loud. The hard. The fight. I developed a craving to control, to keep the fear from controlling me. Yet this tightrope of juggling fear and control made me oh so tired. You might know something about this weary walk yourself.
Continue Reading

But My Light Has No Shine

October 7, 2015 By Kristin Saatzer 2 Comments

Not all of us can do great things.

But we can do small things with great love. ~Mother Teresa

During a trying time around nine years ago, my light lost its shine. I was in the abyss of homeschooling three wild boys and trying to keep one indescribable toddler alive (no joke). The world has yet to see another child like him.

Anyway! I knew my light was sorta shining in my home and that it would prayerfully pay dividends in the lives of my sons someday (particularly the one who would be alive to tell). Yet, I became compelled to shine that light to the “outside” world in some small way. With limited time and energy, my first priority was the fam. But in reflecting on my circumstances, I realized I had let the shine go out of my light because of self-imposed limitations and the oh so familiar companion named Discouragement.

So, what did I do with this compulsion? Did I start a street ministry feeding fifty homeless people a day? No. Did I sign a recording contract and tour the land singing for the masses? No. Did I pray that God would lead me and show me how to get my shine on? Yes.

And He did.

The Lord opened my eyes to neighbors needing a touch of encouragement via prayers, words or notes. There were families on my boys’ teams needing a listening ear. I met strangers needing a meal or a momentary friend. Such small, simple acts, laced with intentionality.

Guess what? The shine in my light returned.

It began with a prayer. It began with the baby step of sharing my heart with God; He gave me eyes to see and ears to hear. God gave me the heart to see needs in the world beyond my home and the wild ones living in it.Continue Reading