“God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”

2 Thessalonians 3:3

It was a perfect day—one of the best days of my life, May 1, 2021. My oldest son, Samuel, got married to his darling girl. And now I have a daughter-in-love. After raising four boys, my heart is overjoyed that Lauren is now officially a Saatzer. 

 In the time preceding, I had moments when I thought I would not attend the wedding due to my months and months-long health battle. Yet, God was gracious to me; I felt fabulous that day and savored each miraculous moment. 

The week before the big event, I took the photo albums out of the hall closet and spread them on the floor. I spent quite a bit of time on memory lane, lost in happy moments with my little Sammy. Those were golden days, my little buddy and me.

We spent much of our afternoons reading. Our favorite book was I Love You Forever. I even made up a song to go with it. I often cried when I read it to him as I imagined him moving away and starting his own family, like the boy in the book. I knew it would arrive quicker than I expected. And it did, with lightning speed. 

As he grew, three brothers added more chaos and fun to the mix. 

Sam’s strong personality kept me on my toes, and I made many mistakes. He knew who he was from his earliest days and, I am stronger in character for having mothered such a strong-willed son.

We remained close. Until …

The difficult upper teen years.

As I turned the pages of the albums from Sam’s middle school years and beyond, I was awash with wonderful and intense painful memories. 

Times when I thought I had lost him. Times of experimentation with independence, rebellion, and struggle. Times when I was not his favorite person, nor he mine.

 I took in the pictures of drop-off day at college, all six of us bawling.

Little by little, Sammy and I made our way back to one another. As he matured in his twenties so did our relationship. It changed- less mothering and more advising. It was a good fit. 

And now, our relationship is shifting again. 

As I gazed at our family photos, I realized that my son and I were standing on the precipice. Days away from pledging his whole self to another. This woman, not mom, will be the most important female in his life. By God’s design, that is the way it is supposed to be. 

Sammy wrote me a letter and gave it to me on his wedding day. Among the beautiful words, He told me I was his first love. When I look back at the heartbreaking, messy moments between we two, never would I have imagined us landing here. Such affection. Such love. Such grace. The relationship for which I prayed.

As I closed the albums and hauled them back to the closet, my mind turned to my faithful Savior. Through all the years, through all the tough mom stages with my boy-turned-man, Jesus kept calling me and reminding me to be faithful right back. To Him. To my Sammy. To all my family. To my life. 

To God be the glory.

“I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be. “