365 days. 

My tunnel journey began one year ago last week.  I had to make my way through the dark. Unfortunately, there was no way around it. One slow step at a time.

Today, as I continue to plod on, I realize this tunnel of grief is requisite towards wholeness. Moving forward is my only option.

Yet, I’m not alone here.

I’ve been asked, “What’s the secret to surviving a trial like yours?” Some say I’m courageous and strong. Some wonder how I seem to have my act together. Ha!

I am not strong. I am weak. I get scared. I don’t have it together. Just ask my kids: I eat too much chocolate, I’m  spacey, I scare easily, I giggle at inappropriate moments, and I’m a klutz. And that’s just the tip. We’ve had countless yoyo (you’re on your own) nights for dinner. There are messes and dishes in the sink. You’ll find unpaid bills and neglected laundry. I’ve had panic attacks and melancholy. Not the picture of a woman  with her act together.

Private pain. Public pain. Family pain. Physical pain. Financial  pain. So. Much. Pain.

Yet I do plug along, walking through the mess, even finding joy and gratitude.

How?

You see, there’s this blue chair in my bedroom. The arms threadbare and faded. The seams pulling and the stuffing bunched. Even so, this chair is holy territory. The morning sunbeams spotlight it’s welcome.This is where the most important ingredients of my Secret Sauce are found.

Here is where I meet with God most days. Where I “Seek Ye first”- day after day, year after year. Here is where I plug into my power. My prayer chair. This is the spot where intimacy grows, where I become fortified. Even when I am half asleep, or my mind goes awry or runs away completely, there is beauty  in it. An investment in eternity.

This investment pays dividends.

You see, my secret strength is my Savior in me.

I would not have set one toe in that tunnel but for God. I would have bailed or done things my way. But because He and I are intimate, I knew His voice as He told me to stay and walk the hard walk. I felt His fingers wipe my tears. I grasped His arms containing me. Sitting in that blue chair clutching my blue Bible, intimacy and trust emerged, extraordinary happened. Investment happened.

Therefore, I am not alone in this tunnel.

You are not alone.

Friend, are you in a season of tunnel-walking? Are you grieving? Lonely? Afraid of the next step? If this is a time of stability, then what is your investment strategy for the future?

There is light in the dark with and because of Jesus. My light has come in many forms (stay tuned for Part 2). May we remember, each morning is new, filled with the mercies of Christ waiting for us. Don’t miss it! Press on with Jesus and seek Him first. The dividends are endless.