Jun 07 2015 When a Friend Faces Tragedy
Last week, an amazing woman in my life named Keri lost her fifteen-year-old son, Seth. He was a remarkable young man. Keri was sold out for her boy, and my heart bleeds for her.
How can I help?
Many years ago, a dear friend lost her two-week-old baby boy. She went on to suffer miscarriages and then the birth of a baby girl, diagnosed with the same disease as her brother. This baby lived, but an early childhood of suffering ensued until a kidney transplant healed her.
Walking this journey with my precious friend and observing her experiences changed me.
I am ultra-sensitive about doing what is “right” in the face of tragedy. I’ve witnessed help as harm. I’ve made mistakes. I’m desperate for God’s help and grace as I attempt to minister to a suffering friend. It’s an imperfect science.
Of course, everyone is different, yet I’ve noticed commonalities—actions that seem to minister to most.
Pray. The best gift we can give is our prayers. But when we tell our friend she is in our prayers, may we not throw out familiar verses or platitudes. For example, when my girlfriend lost her baby boy, people said things like, “God has a reason for everything” or “God needs your baby more in heaven than he does on earth.” It became like needles to the heart. Maybe the only words to say are, “I’m sorry”.
I’ve asked God to tell me how to pray and help Keri. Prayer is an inestimable factor in times of need; sometimes, it is the only thing we can do. I’ve been amazed to see how God has answered this for me in the past. He’s given me marching orders that were personal and fitting for the situation.
Ask. I’ve learned that asking, “What can I do to help?” is too general. Suppose your friend is like me (and maybe you), she won’t let you know. I might ask, “When can I bring you dinner?” or “What can I get you at the store?”
Does she want company or space? I need space, but my husband likes company in trying times. What does your friend need now?
Financial Help. Give money or gift cards. Tragedies are often financial quicksand with lost work, funeral expenses, travel costs, etc. Giving ministers, no matter what her wealth or lack thereof.
Remember. Put the birthday of her lost loved one on your calendar. Call her that day. Remember her at Christmas. Remember her after the relatives have gone and others have returned to their lives. Then remember to repeat all the above: Prayer, Asking, and Financial help. Then do it again.
What about you, my friend? How do you gracefully give during a tragedy? What have you learned from your experiences?
Thankfully, God meets us graciously as we minister to our friends in their times of need.
“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted…
To comfort all who mourn…”
From Isaiah 61:1 and 2 NKJV
Sonya
Posted at 06:07h, 08 JuneThank you, Kris! And from my own personal tragedy not long ago, you were there and ministered perfectly to me…and you continue to! Thank you for being the heart and hands of Jesus to those who need it! God bless you, dear friend!
Kristin
Posted at 14:10h, 08 JuneThank you! You are a treasured friend Sonya.
Kristin Saatzer
Posted at 17:13h, 08 JuneThank you wonderful Sonya.
Suzie Corkill
Posted at 22:59h, 10 JuneKristin,
I’ve just had some health problems and so this post was especially meaningful to me. I’ve had so many people praying for me; suggesting bringing over dinner or having lunch; I’ve gotten several gift cards for restaurants. I have loved every phone call, e-mail, card, and even a few flowers. The suggestion you gave that really hit me was the remembering one. I love the idea of writing down the date on my calendar when people lose their loved one. How special. I am going to start doing that and I think it will really make a difference to those that are mourning. Thank you. How is your son doing? I’ve been praying for him.
Kristin Saatzer
Posted at 23:05h, 12 JuneI’m so sorry about your health problems Suzie.
Noah had an amazing time in Ethiopia, in fact, he left his heart there and wants to return.
Kathy Fuentes
Posted at 16:32h, 20 JuneKristen,
A few years ago when a dear friend lost her husband, I was ill and unable to go to the house and be there for support. I prayed of course, but felt I needed to do more, but was sick at home! As I thought about it, I wanted to send a text, to at least let her know she was in my thoughts and prayers. Then, as I was skimming my bible, I came across some scriptures I had underlined and I decided to send 1Peter 5:7 “Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you”. But, the Lord inspired me to send her scriptures everyday for one year! It was a time commitment, yes, but a double blessing (common when Jesus leads) because it required I search scripture to find what I felt would suit the day; which meant I had to be in the Word daily! This past fall, I supported my friend whose daughter faced leukemia, with the daily scripture texts! I know God’s Word does not return void and saw it work mightily for their family! I would add this as a possible long term idea, along with the other wonderful ways to be a help in time of need! Thanks Kristen
Kristin Saatzer
Posted at 22:15h, 27 JuneWow Kathy. I love that and yes, what a commitment. But what a blessing to allow Jesus to wrap His arms around your friends through you. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Jeni
Posted at 14:40h, 28 JuneThank you for such great ideas on how to support loved ones through tragedies and loss. You have always been such a great encouragor and supporter and have blessed so many. I love the idea of remembering the date and reaching out on the anniversary.
Thank you!
Kristin Saatzer
Posted at 23:27h, 01 JulyAnd thank you too.