tears Archives - Kristin Saatzer

I am not writing today while feasting my eyes on a beautiful landscape of autumn’s delights. Nor am I wearing cute boots and a seasonal scarf. I am a southern California girl, sitting outside in shorts and bare feet, feasting my eyes on a dying lawn because I’m not allowed to water in this drought.

However, the calendar tells me it is Fall. I laugh at the contradiction of pumpkins melting on porches while warm Santa Ana winds blow. We SoCal’s drink our Pumpkin Spice Lattes as we dream of wearing socks. This is the autumn season in my world.

Eventually, the air will cool and we will wear socks again and drink our lattes without sweating. A welcome change.

Sadly, a season of unwelcome change blew into my life. Into my heart. Into my home. This intruder wreaked havoc in incalculable ways. This change flooded every area of my life, seeming unreal. Impossible.

Our financial situation reversed from stable to dire. Family members moved from happy to heartbroken. My health shifted from strong to weak. In the midst of these countless trials, we experienced grief and upsets: our beloved Golden Retriever died and my second son left for college. Nothing but change, loss, sadness and pain for months.

In childhood, when I complained about an unwelcome shift in my life, my grandpa quoted an old cliché, “the only thing constant is change”. I am in a season where this holds true. I never know what will move next. Truthfully, none of us does. Change is a guarantee. Not one of us gets a pass on pain or difficult periods. No one. Jesus promised us this in John 16:33 (NLV):

“…Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows, But take heart,

Because I have overcome the world.”

As a Christian, I have a choice: will I shrivel up in my pain or will I hold on to God with everything I’ve got?

In this terrible-changing season of my life, I’ve chosen/am choosing, to hold on to Jesus.

“Immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy…”

2 Corinthians 6:10 The Message

The paradox of my life these days is that I’m drowning in tears, yet filled with inexplicable joy.

I wish I could jot down an easy five-step plan. But there is no plan and it is not easy. It is messy and hard.Continue Reading

Luke 6:21 The Message

My tears flow freely these days. Ugly. Cry.

Luke 6:21 says we will be “blessed when the tears flow freely”. Really? Blessed?

Happy tears aside, I’m not feeling the blessings when my eyes are blurring and my nose is running. But mostly because tears are evidence of pre-tears pain. The once-again reminder that life downright stinks sometimes.

Yet, in spite of this, these drops are a God-given gift, a sweet release. A blessing.

We often feel ashamed of our waterworks. Our society heralds the strong ones (what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!). We discount our pain. I’m not saying we should stay, dwell and live here forever. But we must learn to tend to our pain biblically. Healthily.

I ran into a friend the other day and quickly fought back tears as we chatted, wiping my eyes so he would see no evidence, thinking to myself how silly I was, crying in the middle of the day at a coffee bar.

You see I’m often held hostage by the “should’s”or “shouldn’ts”. I suspect you may experience this too. Instead of tending to the hurt behind the tears, I put on my big girl pants and press on.

There are sooo many others with bigger problems; I shouldn’t be so upset about this!

I shouldn’t need this much time to heal. I should be over this already.

I shouldn’t let the house get so messy! What if someone stops by.

My kids are bored; I should spend more time entertaining them. Continue Reading